Amazed

I just keep coming back to look at this picture (and a few others with faces showing that I can't post yet) and am just amazed. Amazed by how life has changed in the last 6 months, amazed by these two little ones who have stolen our hearts (and our sleep), amazed by their giggles and the new things they say and learn every day. All too often, in the midst of temper tantrums and icky diapers and early mornings I forget to be amazed. That's what I love about a picture- one moment frozen in time in front of me that reminds me to be amazed at all of the little moments that God gives us.

We have had a huge answer to prayer; after several delays and court hearings, parental rights were terminated and we are moving ahead and becoming an adoptive placement for our kids. We are still figuring out what that whole process looks like from here on out, but we are thrilled by this answer to prayer! Last Friday, our kids had their final visit with their maternal grandmother. Please keep the extended biological family in your prayers. We know this has been an extremely hard process for them; pray that God in His sovereignty would use this situation to work in their lives. It has been an odd mixture of emotions as we have rejoiced that our kids are now freed for adoption, but also felt compassion for the biological family and the loss they are experiencing.

We have felt for a while now that these are "our" kids and to be so much closer to that being the case in every sense is so exciting. We haven't really talked too much about the concept of adoption with Ella- both because of her age and because of where we have been at in the process- but tonight as I was saying goodnight and telling her how much I loved her and how much God loved her, it was the best feeling in the world to explain that "God loves us so much that he adopts us to be His children, just like mommy and daddy are adopting you to be our daughter." I can't think of a sweeter analogy for the gospel than adoption, and we are so blessed to experience that adoption from our heavenly father as well as through continuing to pursue adoption of Ella and Haddon.

Adoption Story

Josh posted a link to this blog post on adoption earlier today. I just got a chance to read it -the refusal to nap, clogged toilet, potty accident on the floor, dinner, and bath time slightly delayed me. I'm not complaining though, and reading this post was a perfect reminder to me of the joy that is ours as we seek to adopt these two little ones.
So if you get a chance in the midst of all the things that God has put in your path today, I highly recommend reading this article!

There was a Girl. Fifteen Years Old: An Adoption Story

Transitions

The other day it really hit me just how much my life has changed in the last 3 weeks. I was sitting on the bathroom floor, waving my hands around and chanting "You can poop! You can poop! Gooooo poop!" to a 2 year old who, though absolutely adorable, was less than happy to be sitting on the toilet. I just had to laugh as I thought about what a difference a few weeks can make.

So how has the transition from working full time to being a stay-at-home (mostly- I still teach one class) mom gone? I'll be honest, my first day back to teaching my class was a huge relief. Not only was I out of the house after what had seemed like a very long first week, but I was doing something that I knew and was comfortable with. In many ways teaching has been my security blanket over the last couple of weeks (I honestly can't believe that's all its been!). Even though I have been longing to be a mom, the feeling of being overwhelmed and in far over my head made me want to run to what I knew and was confident in. There is nothing like becoming a mom to make you realize your complete and utter dependence upon God. I don't think I would have survived the last few weeks without his grace and mercy and endless supply of strength.

That first week, especially the first few days, kind of felt like I was drowning. Like I said in my last post, there were glimmers of light and grace in the midst of it, but most of the time I felt like I was desperately trying to keep my head above water and failing miserably. I lived for nap time that first week, and yet even that time was fraught with battles of its own- a screaming 2 year old, crying hysterically for "Grandma" - which made naps and bedtime the most emotionally difficult part of the day for all of us.

Week two was a bit better. I braved the outside world and made it to Target and Trader Joe's with both kids in tow- the major achievement of my week! That first trip to Target I just wanted to keep circling the store even after I had everything I needed! It just felt so good to be in the real world again. As we began to settle into a routine things began to look better. Nap time and bedtime have become much better- the potential for a melt down is still there, but the occurrence is becoming less and less.

So here we are already into week three. We are beginning to feel like these are our kids, and I think they too are beginning to feel at home. We made it to church on Sunday (another huge accomplishment!) and the kids did great. Monday was the first day where I found myself really thinking, "We can do this." And today I really couldn't wait to get back to them after teaching my class and was a little sad when I remembered they would be sleeping when I got home. Our lives are still in transition. There are still hard days, hard hours, but ultimately we are loving the changes that God has brought into our lives in the form of these two little lives.